WW3 Wine: The Wine for Celebrating Peace (or Not)

(Updated March 4, 2025)

While peace talks between Trump, Putin and Zelensky recently stalled, the trio has decided that if they cannot agree on a ceasefire, they can at least agree on a full-bodied, blood-red vintage. After all, nothing pairs better with geopolitical instability than a bold, fruit-forward red with just a hint of smoky devastation.

In one of the most surprising developments, Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, and Volodymyr Zelensky have put their differences aside—not for peace, but for profit—with the launch of their new California Pinot Noir, aptly named WW3: Pinot N’War.

A War-Themed Wine

Produced in California’s prestigious wine country, WW3 is a rich Pinot Noir with “hints of scorched earth, the acrid finish of smoldering democracy, and just a touch of unfulfilled peace treaties.” The cork, naturally, is shaped like a bullet.  

The glass? Oh, the glass. In an ironic twist that underscores the surreal nature of modern geopolitics, the bottles are crafted from recycled glass sourced from Ukraine’s Antinori glass factory—the same one that was destroyed by Russian forces in the early days of the Russia-Ukraine conflict.

The Press Event: A Masterclass in Product Launches

The unveiling of WW3 was theatrical as one might expect except two of the co-founders were missing due to reasons which we will explain later.  Without his partners in (attempted) peace Trump called the wine “the greatest, most incredible, most tremendous Pinot Noir the world has ever seen—some are even saying it’s the best, believe me.” He then attempted to take full credit for the idea, despite differing reports on its origin. 

Trump intended to introduce the wine with Zelensky by his side during their February 25, 2025 meeting but abandoned that plan when their Oval Office meeting went south over an unexpected disagreement regarding the size of the Atlantic Ocean. 

The misunderstanding resulted in Zelensky being ejected from the White House.  Not one to be easily discouraged, Zelensky made an announcement later that day with a selfie on his X account to promote the wine's launch, sipping a glass and tweeting, “If we can’t stop the war, at least we can drink about it.” Meanwhile, Putin skipped assisting with the launch, opting to attend a karate tournament in North Korea.

A Future as Uncertain as the Finish on This Wine

Will WW3: Pinot N’War become the next collector’s item, a sought-after relic of an era defined by high-stakes diplomacy and unresolved conflicts? Or will it simply serve as another bizarre footnote in the history of world affairs gone sideways? Either way, one thing is certain: when world leaders can’t make peace, they can always make money.

Disclaimer:  This blog post is purely satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real people, events, or situations is purely coincidental. The content should not be taken as factual, and any opinions expressed are not to be interpreted as actual statements of fact.