Justin Bieber’s New Wine “Scary” Has Fans Terrified

Pop superstar and occasional eyebrow-raiser Justin Bieber has just announced his foray into the world of celebrity wines with a brand-new label called "Scary." And no, it’s not a Halloween-themed beverage—it’s just the most accurate way to describe the uneasy feeling consumers have about drinking anything associated with Bieber’s recent public image.  

Touted as "the most unpredictable wine ever made," "Scary" promises to deliver a flavor profile as erratic as Justin’s latest public appearances. The marketing boasts notes of "subtle oak, wild berry, and the distinct aftertaste of impulsive regret." Aged for precisely "however long Justin felt like waiting," the wine is described as “both sweet and brooding—like Justin himself on any given Tuesday.”  

Despite the flashy promo materials, insiders report some alarming production issues. Early tasters noted that the wine’s aroma had an "unsettling intensity," reminiscent of Bieber’s 2014 deposition energy. One sommelier described it as "like getting sprayed with cologne by a teenage millionaire who just bought a Bugatti for no reason." Others claim that every bottle features a QR code linking to a cryptic voicemail from Bieber at 2 AM, whispering, “Are we good?”  On top of that, the wine’s slogan, “You’ll never know what’s coming next,” has done little to reassure consumers.   

Retailers remain skeptical, with one wine shop owner stating, “Celebrity beverages are one thing, but "Scary" seems like a cry for help in a bottle. At this point, we just hope the cork stays in.”  

Fans and casual drinkers alike are torn—should they sip out of curiosity or steer clear for the sake of their own well-being? One thing’s for sure: in a world where celebrity-branded alcohol is getting out of hand, "Scary" may be the first to truly live up to its name.

---

Parody Disclaimer:

This work is a parody and is intended for entertainment and satirical purposes only. Any similarities to actual persons, organizations, or events are purely coincidental and should not be taken seriously. This content does not represent the views, opinions, or endorsements of any real individuals or entities mentioned or referenced.