Ditching Drinks for ‘H’: Gen Z’s New Nightlife Fix

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the latest in Gen Z’s catalogue of eyebrow-raising habits. Just when drinks brands thought it was safe to venture into the post-pandemic world, a new trend is emerging that’s sure to make every bar owner do a double take. Forget RTDs and hard seltzers; it seems the new potion of choice for our younger generation is none other than heroin. Yes, you read that correctly.

It appears the latest data from CGA by NIQ has uncovered something so shocking that it might just make you spit out your kombucha. According to the stats, Gen Z Brits are ditching alcohol altogether and turning to heroin in droves. Yes, heroin—because nothing says “responsible living” like a casual dose of this little number.

Now, before you start sharpening your pitchforks and organizing protests against this new-age elixir, let’s take a moment to appreciate the beauty of this trend. For years, we’ve watched in horror as our young people opted for the occasional hard seltzer over a glass of Malbec. But now, they’re showing us how it’s done by completely bypassing alcohol. Why drink when you can, you know, not drink and still get that *high* feeling?

This radical choice has resulted in a staggering 30% of those aged 18-24 reporting a decline in alcohol consumption over the past year. In fact, 13% are so committed to this new lifestyle that they’ve gone full abstinence from alcohol, opting instead for something a bit more... potent. They’re obviously so dedicated to their “healthy lifestyle” that they’re adding a whole new definition to the term “highly motivated.”

But don’t worry, it’s not all doom and gloom. The hospitality industry might be feeling the sting, but they’re also preparing for this brave new world. You see, while the number of young people ditching alcohol is soaring, the sales of soft drinks haven’t exactly skyrocketed either. Perhaps this is due to the new phenomenon of ‘zebra striping’—where young people alternate between their heroin and a soft drink. Yes, they’re just that sophisticated.

As the CGA so insightfully pointed out, “Suppliers who tap into these insights and align their strategies are better positioned to lead in this new era of beverage consumption.” So if you’re a supplier, don’t fret. It’s all about offering appealing, high-quality, and health-conscious options. And who knows? Maybe a sleek, boutique heroin brand with a hint of organic flavor could be the next big trend.

So here’s to Gen Z’s daring new approach to partying and personal well-being. Who needs Malbec when you can have some smack? 

Disclaimer:  The content of this blog post is intended for satire and entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real-life trends, products, or behaviors is purely coincidental. The mention of heroin in this context is a satirical exaggeration and should not be interpreted as a reflection of actual trends or practices. Please do not take any part of this post seriously or as advice.