A Truly Sad Breakup: Belichick and Jordan Hudson Reportedly Split

Sources close to the New England coaching legend Bill Belichick and his girlfriend, Jordan Hudson, are buzzing with whispers of trouble in paradise. Forget missed field goals or controversial calls – the latest drama reportedly revolves around a decidedly less strategic issue: the pervasive presence of empty Truly cans and one in particular flying can.

Apparently, the meticulous mind that orchestrated six Super Bowl victories is finding itself increasingly rattled by the scattered remnants of Jordan's and her generation's for that matter preferred refreshment.

"It's not about the age difference, or even the philosophical debates they supposedly have," an insider (who definitely isn't a disgruntled film analyst) divulged. "It's the Trulys. Everywhere. The man's used to game film breakdowns, not beverage breakdowns. Finding sticky rings of Lime Truly's on his depth charts and Strawberry Lemonade casualties in his lucky hoodies? It's throwing off his entire rhythm."

Eyewitness accounts describe Belichick attempting to organize the empty cans into a semblance of a defensive formation, muttering about "lack of situational awareness" and "failure to clean up your zone."

Jordan Hudson, the  24-year-old, is likely bewildered by the alleged conflict. As a (reportedly) successful real estate professional, she's probably got more pressing matters than the disposal of her empty seltzer containers. One can imagine her (again, purely speculation) posting a breezy Instagram story with a caption like, "Is it too much to ask for a little bubbly in my life? 🤷♀️ #CoastalLiving #TrulyObsessed"

The breaking point reportedly occurred when Belichick, in a sleep-deprived haze, went to adorn one of his signature hoodies and got smacked in the head from a Truly flying out the attire .

"That was the 2:00 minute warning  on the relationship," our source claimed. "They did not last much longer after that incident and Jordan never even apologized even though Bill needed stitches from the gash on his head that the can caused."  

The burning question now: will Bill start dating age appropriate women or will he continue to rock the cradle? 

Please be advised: The preceding content is a work of pure fiction and intended for comedic purposes only. It should not be taken as factual reporting on the personal lives or beverage preferences of Bill Belichick, Jordan Hudson, or any brand of hard seltzer.